April 11th 2008
Learn How To Actively Listen
Listening is a skill that has become increasingly vital in our busy self-centered society. Active listening means listening with your full attention, in the here and now. It means listening with a clear head, without making judgments. More importantly it means listening with your other senses. What is the person’s tone of voice? Is it calm and relaxed, nervous and jumpy, high pitched, slow and hesitant? What about their physical presence? Are they intimate or reserved, breathing slowly or rapidly? Are they perspiring or red-faced? Do they make eye contact or do they appear to be looking inward? Where are their hands? Do they gesture or hide? Non-verbal communication is as much as 60% of the message-bearing part of our interaction with others.
Once you’ve become aware of the other person’s non-verbal communication you can start to match it, relaxing with them, walking along when they get up and move around, responding quickly when their thoughts are moving at a fast pace. If they are leaning towards you and speaking in something close to a whisper, lean in, match their tone and volume and listen to the message behind the words. These techniques will help you achieve a rapport with the other person, bringing you both in sync and establishing common ground for the expression of ideas, desires and questions.
You cannot successfully listen when you are preoccupied with your own agenda. And unless you learn and practice active listening skills you will have difficulty communicating and sharing your vision with others.